T-Shirt Review: Super Sonic Bros.

super sonic bros

In my humbly biased opinion this is a masterful combination of the greatest Nintendo/Sega games ever made: Super Mario Bros and Sonic the Hedgehog. In this world Dr. Robotnik has mechanized the Mario world baddies. Rocket-powered Koopas and steel-plated Piranha Plants nip at the heels of our heroic plumber, who has donned a new Sonic suit in order to engage this new threat. I’ll bet he found it when a chaos emerald popped out of a ? box.

The faithful sidekick Luigi gives Mario a lift with the power of his own Tails suit. They’ll have to gather both coins and golden rings in order to defeat the looming threat of Dr. Ivan RoBowser, fast approaching in the background. What better way to honor two of the best-selling game franchises of all time? I think we have the making of a new comic series. Wear this shirt as your gamer suit to show off your powers of gaming awesomeness.

Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 05/13.


T-Shirt Review: Teh Internets Memes

There is a conundrum every person will face.  It is the bitter-sweet moment when you find something on the internet so funny, so silly, so incredibly stupid that you MUST show someone else, yet no one else is around to see it. 

But don’t worry, brilliance is just around the corner.  Here is a shirt you can wear that contains some of the most astoundingly addicting clips of recent memory.  This way, you don’t have to seek out those who appreciate your sardonic, slapstick and satirical sense of humor (yes, all at the same time).   They will find you!  Ever wanted to know who else recognizes the Awesome Face?  Or who else knows how to speak lolz cat language?  Or gets a kick out of a dancing PBJ-loving banana?  
Here is your chance my friend.  Here is your chance.  So practice your meme quotes and show off your trivial knowledge!
Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 09/15/11.

T-Shirt Review: Slurm

Hello? Oh hi mom. Why do I never call? Oh common, you know that’s not true. What? What am I drinking? What does that have to do with anything? Yes, it does happen to be a can of Slurm.  Why? 

Of course I know its highly addictive, that’s their slogan.  I don’t see your point.  No, soft drinks are not going to shorten my life span.  What did you say – Slurm is made from the secretions of a Wormulon Queen’s what-now?!  You know what, I don’t care.  It’s like sausage – I don’t really want to know what’s in there.
The fact is I enjoy it, I savor it, and I am going to keep on drinking it.  Mom, you don’t have to pester me about my eating habits…a wha?  An intervention?  That is hardly necessary.  There is nothing to intervene.  Sigh. Oops, I’m loosing reception. Click.
Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 09/16/11.

T-Shirt Review: Pirate Pack

Avast! This be the booty ye need for all the aspirin’ sprogs out there.  The DIY Pirate Pack.  It contains all the necessary accessories to become the most dreaded freebooter of the seven seas.

Start by punching out the piratey hat.  Take out the map, compass and telescope to chart yer course.  Then pull up the anchor and spin the wheel to be on yer merry way.
On the one hand – choose between a flintlock pistol, dagger or cutlass.  On the other – decide upon a ‘handy’ hook, fork or saw.  All that’s left is to put your trusty parrot on yer shoulder, fondle yer gems, and drink up yer grog!
Don’t be a bilge rat! Separate yerself from all them landlubbers.  Smartly, me mates! This’ll be the best doubloons ye ever spent.  If ye don’t, the little lad will hang the jib till the scallywags come home!
Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 10/04/11.

T-Shirt Review: NES & SNES Controller

Nowadays, being a geeky gamer-nerd is to cool as Castlevania is to having a good time.  What, you don’t get the analogy? You would if you spent the eighth year of your life trying to beat Startropics with the volume down so your parents didn’t know you were playing it past your bedtime. 

Don’t roll your eyes, I learned patience through that game!  Then again, I also learned how to knock out my brother with Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.  In my defense I would also like to point out that I mastered my hand-eye coordination with Tetris, and developed problem-solving skills from the Legend of Zelda.
Now you might understand why I wear this T-Shirt with the buttons on a NES controller on the front.  No, not just for nostalgic reminiscence.  This shirt represents my childhood, my education.  In fact, last week I passed driver’s ed because of Rad Racer.
Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 09/15/11.

T-Shirt Review: Kessel Fun-Run

It must be that time of the year again. Everyone is wearing their Kessel Fun-Run T-shirts. That’s so you know who the hot-shot wannabes are. Nevermind that it’s only a 12 parsec race from Formos to Kessel – child’s play really. But the Twi’leks really dig a man who will race for the cause. Why else would I be wearing this brown Wookiee-Pox Awareness pin? 

Besides, it provides the perfect cover to smuggle some goods on my YT-1930 transport from Formos to some well-paying inmates at Kessel.  Whoever thought it was a good idea to host a charity event between a smuggler’s den and a prison is beyond me, but it certainly attracts more flyboys!  Now, if you’ll excuse me, that Twi’lek just winked at me.
Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 08/31/11.

T-Shirt Review: It’s All Good!

Pigs are delicious no matter how you slice, dice, grill, fillet, broil, or grind it. Whether it be recognizable ribs, tantalizing tenderloin, sizzling bacon, or a good ol’ fashion hot dog. Whether smoked, cured, roasted, or smashed into sausage. 

Wear this shirt to pronounce that you are not afraid to ham it up and shove your porker into the nearest kielbasa. You are the type to squeal with delight when that scent of pork roast wafts by from the spit. You hoof it to the nearest grocery store when deli ham is on sale. 

Don’t let your friends get away with simpleton compliments like “This bacon is good” or “That was a great rotisserie.” They say that as if it’s a surprise! Of course it was good – its all good!

Completed through a client on Textbroker.com on 10/05/11.